to my dearest, leo

You carry the sea in quiet ways,restless, tender, returning.Even the smallest flowers turn toward you,as though they know you by name.

The tide remembers every shore it touches;the earth, every fallen bloom.The world remembers you this way,long after the water has gone.

for you, always

hi click the words if you want to know why i chose all this

leo,

i don't think i say thank you enough. not just for everything you've given me or everything you've done for me, but for every chance you've given me to know you better, to understand you better, and to love you more.

i know there have been times i've hurt you. i've hurt you countless times. there are things i wish i had understood sooner, things i wish i had done differently, and moments i wish i could go back to knowing what i know now. i can't undo any of them, but i hope you know i don't take your forgiveness or your patience with me lightly. every time you've given me another chance, i've been grateful for it, even when i didn't know how to say that properly.

thank you for still letting me be part of your life. thank you for all the ordinary days too, because i think those are the ones i'll always love the most. getting to hear about your day, listening to you talk about whatever you're thinking about, hearing about the things you love, making you laugh, taking care of you when you let me, staying up together, and somehow always finding more to talk about. you've become such a huge part of my days that sometimes i forget there was ever a time when i didn't know you.

and thank you for letting me know you. really. thank you for trusting me with the things you're excited about, the things you're embarrassed about, the things that hurt, the things you could talk about forever, and all the tiny things about you that i've gotten to learn along the way. i don't know if you realize how much of it i remember. i don't know if you realize how much all of it matters to me.

i know neither of us has loved the other perfectly. i know we've had moments where we've misunderstood each other, gotten upset, said the wrong thing, or needed something the other person didn't know how to give yet. but after all of it, i'm still so grateful that i got to love you at all. and i'm grateful that, for all this time, you've kept choosing to let me.

i hope i've given you things worth remembering too. i hope somewhere between all the messages and gifts and jokes and nights we stayed awake way too long, i've made you feel even a fraction as cared for as you've made me feel.

that's really what all of this is for. the painting, the poem, the flowers, the music, every stupid little detail i spent too long thinking about. i wanted to make you something that could hold at least a little bit of everything i never know how to fit into one message.

and before i end this, i really do want to say i'm sorry. i'm sorry for every time i've hurt you, especially the times you were trying to tell me that something was hurting and i didn't understand it the way i should have. i'm sorry for the times i made you feel like you had to keep explaining yourself to me, or like i wasn't listening when you needed me to. i know saying sorry doesn't erase any of those moments, and i don't expect it to. i just want you to know that i remember them, i care about the ways i've hurt you, and i genuinely want to do better with what you've taught me about you. you've given me more patience and more chances than i ever want to take for granted. i can't promise i'll never get something wrong again, but i can promise that i'll keep trying to understand you, listen to you, and love you better than i did before.

so thank you baby. for your patience, for your forgiveness, for all the chances you've given me, for every little piece of yourself you've trusted me with, and for all the time you've chosen to spend with me.

most of all, thank you for letting me love you.

happy anniversary.